The Warrior's Path is Lighted by The Violet Flame

'Tis the Violet Flame which Lights the Path

I am talking to you.

You whose heart has been smashed into a million tiny pieces, and you who has been shamed and humiliated and loathed. You whose life has been turned inside, out and upside, down and you who feels like he has been owned. You who has hidden her light so as to meld with the darkness, and you who has fought until your fingers hurt and your soul bled.

I am talking to you, the ones who fight on everyday, against an enemy who you cannot conquer, and a foe who seems impossible. It is you. You are the Warrior, the one who was chosen to walk the path of unease, and the path of the impossibly impossible way. You are the Warrior, the one who chose the battle and the war and you who ran headlong into the fracas and you, ultimately you who comes out the victor each time.

NEVER forget your place in the Universe. It is an important place, yours is, and it is a place that only you can fill. You, who has cried through blackened eyes and a bruised soul, who has scaled the mountain and tumbled down it only to pick yourself up and start right back up the mountain again. It is you. You are who makes you the fighter, of injustices placed upon those of us, like me, like you, who have only been seen at our weakest point.

What others do not realize, what they cannot see is the Warrior who you really are. You fall, and you get back up. You cry, and then you stop to wipe the tears, and through the blurred vision which is born through the pain, you battle on, not worrying about who it is who will see you, and not interested in much else than your place in life, which is that of the Warrior, and this, my Love, is the Warrior's Path upon which you trek.

It is the Path lighted by you, for you are the Violet Flame come to life, and you are the breath and the life that is the spark of creation, and the spark that is given to the raging fire which glows purple and hotter than the blueness that was the pain which beat heavily in your heart and soul, and all the while, you knew...you knew then what you know now, and what you know now is that which you must know, for this is the Path you chose and for which you were chosen.

You have fought and won, and you have fought and lost, but never did you quit. You never ever gave up the fight, no matter what.

You are the Violet Flame. You are the Warrior whose path is lighted by your own brightness, your own light...

ROX

Your quiet strength

"Blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5)

There is a lot that is said in terms of people just not thinking that being a quiet yet strong person is somehow not the absolute picture of what is truth in strength. 

What anyone goes through causes them to build themselves from the inside, out. It is from the inside, out that the most damages that have been done can also be undone. It is not that you were ever weak, because meekness is not weakness. Being meek has been given the worst verbiage that it will take a whole lifetime for anyone to rearrange the thoughts in another person's head to maybe make it a lot easier for someone who has survived certain atrocities in their own life enough to realize that it was never that they were, that you were, that we are, weak, because the dictionary's definition of "meek" is written as "...characterized by patience and long-suffering..." (Webster's Dictionary and Thesaurus, 2006).

Blessed are those of us who never allowed the fire within to go out, no matter how many times people came along and into our lives and specifically tried to make it believable that what anyone has ever gone through was somehow not meant, was somehow not something that would turn them into this polished jewel that they have become.

Blessed are those who, battle scarred an war-torn, in their meek and physically weakened or ailing state, for theirs is the entire Universe. 

Blessed are those who have had their hearts broken, their dreams crushed, their very Spirits trampled by the things that collectively make us all want to cry, all want to rage in an outward manner, all want to point a finger at those who should have and likely knew better. Blessed are those who have little, because their strength is much. Blessed are those whose only mission in life is to be at peace with the world in which they find themselves, even if that world is at odds with itself. 

Blessed are those who find themselves choosing between here and there, now and then, up and down, left or right, because it is in their indecision that they will find their direction in life, their way, the Path upon which they must travel.

Blessed are those who are the pariah, the ones who Love and whose Love is not the one that is readily accepted, even now, when there is no reason for hatred for those who are not like everyone else. The truth is that everyone else is wrong, but that you Love without fear and without reservation is a testament to the meekness that you had forced upon you, the quietness that made you a slave unto the masses, even if only to keep yourself safe from the wolves which chose to prey on your Soul and make you pay for their own quiet sins, the very same ones that you were willing to let know were yours, and the very ones that you were not ever required to make amends for. 

Blessed are those who have been beaten down, who have been the target of people who should have known better, and who now cannot undo what has been done and who cannot make things right because the only way to make them right is to make them right with the people who said person who was attacked has, without choice, left behind. 

Blessed are those who are called "strange," "weird," "not right in the mind," "crazy," because it is these very ones who are the creators among us, the ones who have always dealt with the crushing blows by a societal orderliness which only allows us to color "inside the lines," when creativity is not about staying in line with what is expected. Creativity is about creating. Creativity is the life blood of EVERYTHING and it is those who are not very creative who seem to think that what people like the weirdos and the artists and the poets and the musicians are somehow just not right in the mind. It is not that we create that makes them worry about us, call us strange and useless, but is, instead, the threat that creativity and the creation of reality rests in the hearts, minds, and hands of people like me. 

Blessed are all of those of us on this planet who have been beaten down emotionally, who have had the luck as well as the misfortune of having had to deal with bullies, haters and mean people, because it is the experiences we have had with them that took us from being akin to coal, which is useful, to a sparkling gem, which is priceless. 

Blessed are all of those of us who have suffered in what the world deems as weakness. Being meek is not just something given. It is earned. You earned it. You went through hell. 

You survived.

Blessed are the meek, for it is not only the world in which we live that they will inherit, but the very Universe, as well.

I Love You All !

ROX

Help The Sisterhood Of The Soul tell the world that Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse are the reasons that we have so much violence in our communities. Violence at home breeds violence in our communities.  Please visit, "like" and "share" the PROJECT:Shades page on Facebook.

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The Violet Flame

You are the representation of The Violet Flame

When I started this blog it was filled with a lot of angry energy. If you went backwards to the beginning of it, you would notice that over time, as much as I have evolved, so has this blog. It went from confessional, to testimonial, to venting and ranting, to silence and now, to this. 

This would be what my version, perhaps my interpretation of what The Violet Flame is. 

It is the Voice that no one but you can hear, and not with your ears, but with your Soul, and is the part of you that is never accusatory, does nothing to make you hurt. Will not ever abandon you or leave you with no means of Soul survival. 

You are the Violet Flame, are the very Fire in The Belly of The All That Is. It is because of your One Light that is added to all of the rest of the Light in the Universe that there are people who share air with us all and who need us to be that Light, that Voice in the distance, the one lone voice in the wilderness that is Life. 

It is You, You Who has battled the ghosts from the past, the ugliness of right this moment, and the fear of the future, who has bothered to care, not only about others, but about yourself that has made it so that you would be able to shine brightly in the dimness that is confusion, that is all of the pain illuminated within you. While it was that you believed that the illumination of your Soul was the glaring light from shame, it wasn't. 

It was that the fire burned hot enough within to make it known to you that indeed, You Are the Violet Flame. 

When you thought and believed that the madness would never end, there you were, in the mirror, looking back at yourself through the windows of the Soul that are the eyes and through the grief that was brought to you through a "happier means," or at least what was supposed to be, at the very least, happy. Regardless, you went through all of that so that you could be here, right now, to find out that indeed, it was not that someone stamped out your fire, but that it was embers which never went out, and the embers that continued to be the thing that you hoped for, because within the energy that was the heat of the fire in manifest through the embers that could be called your will, your strength and your Truth of Being, you are here, you are now, and you are really and truly the manifestation of what is The Violet Flame.

It was the broken heart that you thought would never heal that brought out of you the energy that is The Violet Flame, and it was the crushed Spirit and weary Soul within you that made you take notice, not of who you were not and never were, but who you know and what you know you have never not been, and you have never not been a shining example of Love, of patience, of the ability to Love, even to the point where it was unreasonable or even safe for you. You stayed, not because of anything other than the fear that was there. The fear was real. The weakness, real. 

Yet, so, too, were the embers which remained to glow within you, was the energy that was the Warrior within, the one who would remain and battle for you and in your place. Her face was the same as yours, but you were not this person who someone else told you that you were. You were, instead, a Strong One in Manifest. You needed to polish your shield and sharpen your weapons, for yours was not the battle that was outside of you only, but also within. It was within where the lies were forced to be the truth that you never believed, and it was the dull ache that you kept alive within and that prodded you on and on, to glow into the Forever that is the Universe, the Universe that has always been your Home. 

You have nothing to fear, and no need to be worried that you are not every bit as wonderfully glowing as you have been told you are. 

You are The Violet Flame....and You wear it well !! 

Aloha ...I Love You All !
ROX

Help The Sisterhood Of The Soul tell the world that Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse are the reasons that we have so much violence in our communities. Violence at home breeds violence in our communities.  Please visit, "like" and "share" the PROJECT:Shades page on Facebook.

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Your tears are not for anyone else but YOU

"I Know You got more Tears to share, Babe..." (Janis Joplin's "Cry Baby")

It is not time right now to cry for anything other than that we are, collectively, not very comfortable...but the thing is...well, just read it...yeesh!

Well now...let's see what we have here, shall we? There are a whole lot of us on this planet right now who are knowing well what the tears are all about, what the hurting is meant for, and what the lesson is at the end, and we know this because it is our job, literally for some of us (y'all know who you are) as Light Workers to know it. We are not here for the purpose of breaking your hearts and then walking away. Our purpose is to make all those things that you are just not seeing as your lesson make sense. So, be ass hurt if you care to, because it is not as though we already have not dealt with all of our charges' tears, anger, venom, the feeling that we are, somehow, the ones who you need to strike out at. We are not. 

In fact, no one is.

And here we go again, one more time (I cannot believe I actually have to go there but here we go...and really, I do not give two shits about what this says to you. You can take it as you like. Eventually, you will get it, we hope...yes, we...)

You are meant to cry. Yup. You read it right. I said it. Now deal with it. You, yourselves have brought to your own life these lessons, and they are not lessons in how to lose, but how to be strong. They are not lessons that you, yourself, prior to your incarnation to this consciousness, did not ask for. That's right - you asked for these things to come to you, and no, you were not given any kind of warning (you weren't supposed to be able to prepare for them...that is why they are called LESSONS and it is all called LEARNING...YEESH), and here you are now in the here and the Now and you are just beside yourself. I promise, I know what you are feeling (some of you literally) and I know that it is tough, but I also know that there are a lot of things going on in all of our lives that call for us to evolve to the next level of awareness, and that there are some of us on this planet who are just not able, or at least believe that you are not able, to deal with the pain.

Deal with it

We are never sent to this lifetime without some sort of agenda. We are not here to remain as we are, unpolished and with all of these dings and dents. We cannot think about what it is that we want to believe is lost for us. The truth is that sometimes the things that we hang on to and the things and people that we want to believe make us who we are may very well be the things and the people who are causing us not to grow. Yes, baby dolls, I know...growing is painful, but it is meant to be that way, because if it ain't painful, we won't learn a god damned thing. 

It is meant, like when a child grows physically, to suck. It is supposed to suck. (okay, so some lessons are actually not sucky but you get the idea, I hope)You are not supposed to stay in the manifestation that you are in right now. There is nothing cool about people running around in circles, nothing cool about people behaving as the biblical dogs who return to their vomit hoping that no one sees it. I am telling you NOW that we see it...we ALL see it, and whether it is that you believe that we see it, and no matter what sort of things you think you are going to do to avoid being seen for real, always, we know. Healers, Shaman, Kahuna, Priestesses, Ministers, Teachers...Light Workers KNOW, not only what all this crap is about, but more, that the resistance that a lot of folks are putting up right now is what is killing your energy right now, and on behalf of all of my fellow professional weirdos, I am not even ASKING that you all pull your heads out of your asses, but I am asking you that you at least take a look around there, right there where it should only be an exit, take a whiff and try hard to see in the dark...

Can't do it, can you?

Hell No! You cannot see in the darkness...so please, pull your heads out...like, yesterday

Nope. There ain't any way that I am talking to ONE person, but to the entirety of the whole of people who believe that they do not have to do the work involved in evolving to your own Self. The tears you are crying are from you and FOR you. Let me stress that again, okay?

The tears you are crying are from you and FOR you. The tears that you are crying are not anyone else's business, fault, making. They are evidence that your soul is exhausted, that you have come to this place that really, no one wants to be at, because being right here and right now sucks ass. I get it. It hurts too much. It is painful. It is not what you thought you would ever have to deal with, because in EVERYONE'S heads who are smack in the middle of the throes of the hurt is also the thought that someone else caused this. Right there in the middle of your mind you are angry, and in the middle of your soul, you are hurting, and the little kid who lives inside of the soul is confused. When that kid is confused there is only one parent, and that parent is YOU, and when you hang on to things and ways of being that are not the right things or ways of being, that kid within tells you.

The kid within is who you are trying to appease, but that is not what the kid within needs. The kid within needs the parent within to soothe it, to tell him or her that all is as it is meant to be at the moment. The kid within needs us to wake up, show it the way, not make the pain go away, at least not the way that any one of us would believe that is the best way. At the moment, the best way that any of us can think of is the fastest way, is the easiest way, but neither of those two things are the truth.

Neither the pain nor the lesson will go away. 

The more we resist, the harder it becomes, because we want to believe that what it is that we have here as the pain that we don't want is something that is temporary - it is, but if you keep hanging on to things you know ain't there for you to learn from anymore, it won't be, and it will be your choosing that will keep it this way. Let me tell you this much, and this is coming from someone who, at one time in her life, may have appeared to "have it all"...nice house at a private golf course community...5 cars- and I owned them all...a golf cart...new one every other year...friends...a great little dance company. By any and all appearances, truly, to some people, I "had it all," but the reality is that I have none of those things right now (okay, the real friends who I met and Loved up in the desert I still have those people in my life...Love You!), and the truth is that really, I am glad for it. My things, my life, and who I thought I was were what controlled me. These days, even now as I am in the middle of a LOT OF CRAP I WOULD RATHER NOT BE IN THE MIDDLE OF, I am better off, even without everything that I thought I needed. The thought was that I would never have to do things that suck because I 'had it all." The thought was that even though I was married to this ...person...who gave me everything ...THING...that I wanted, the one thing that he could never give to me was his original self, because to that guy his original self was a broke ass when in reality his broke ass was more like a broken soul. When the soul is broken the only thing that anyone can do is go through the painful process of healing.

I learned well that I can do this life thing on my own. Yes, I have a couple of really great friends, and I have amazing spirit students, and I love them all. I might not be able to tend to them all every single day, but I asked for them to be here, so that my own message, the ones that I  get directly from the great beyond, could be imparted, not only like this (in writing) but also through their example of them being EXACTLY who they are and who they are meant to be. Once it was that I started to let go of things (I promise...it is NOT EASY but SO worth it), I realized that the reason that I hurt so freakin' much was because of ME. I hurt so much because I was allowing what happened to me that came from other people and situations in my own life to own me, to be the thing that colored my daily life and my entire world.

I had to stop it, had to learn that I was who was and is and has always been in control and NOT what someone else did, said or was to me. When we allow outer forces to decide for us how our manifestations come into being, we let go of our own control of things. The only person who is in control of things is us. Get that much through your thoughts and head right now, and yes, deal with it, because truth is never anything but truth. Sometimes it is a harsh truth. Sometimes it is a truth that makes us happy. ALL THE TIME IT IS THE TRUTH NO MATTER WHAT, and the truth at the moment is that the pain you feel is going to teach you, one way or another. The pain you feel is rooted in fear, of not being good enough, of not having what you want to believe is yours because of YOU, of doing everything not according to someone else's beliefs, no matter what those beliefs are.

We can no more control other people than we can bother to try to make them see things, literally, through our eyes. It ain't gonna happen. It will never happen that way because sometimes what is going on does not include or involve who we are no matter what. This is a hard lesson, I know, and it is not one that too many of us volunteer for from our own human brain. No, you volunteer LONG before you come into this lifetime. You give yourself to these lessons so that you can grow and be who you are meant to be and NOT who you think you are. That is the Ego telling you that it knows better than your Soul does and NEVER does your Ego know better than your Soul, ever. The reason that it hurts is because the Ego self is telling you that you did it wrong, that you are not right, that the pain is something that you have to push away when in reality the pain is something that you have to welcome and pay attention to, something that is your soul's responsibility (Kuleana). The more you resist it, the bigger the pain, and it gets bigger so you can do something more important that is not only learning or growing...it is so that you no longer, at least in that one area of your life, have to bother with the damned "duh moments" that you do not realize you are having.

No one thinks about it, but when we are hanging on to things that we think will make us feel better, we might actually be hanging on to the things or even the one thing in our lives that is actually hindering who we are and getting in the damned way of our paths and our healing and our lessening of those damned "duh moments."

OK...there it is...I said it, and I meant it, now get out into the big fat world and DEAL WITH IT!

Yeesh !!
...but still, you know it..

I LOVE YOU ALL !
ROX

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...of big fat hairy black arachnids and tiny little white dimpled balls....

Spiders and Golf are not the same, and neither is the fear behind them both

There is no doubt about it - I cannot stand spiders. I look at them, consider them to be one of my Animal Totems (because that is what that particular fear is all about), but outside of that much, I am scared of them. Okay, maybe not all of them. Just the ones that can kill you if they happen to bite you. Me and Spiders are far-away friends, to say the very least.

Then there is that fear that I have which is produced in me when I think about the one sport that I totally understand, totally am "into," and can be considered as my most favorite sport of all - the Game of Golf. Yes. Me. I Love Golf. I always have. I lived at a private resort for years, and there was a golf course - 27 hole Ted Robinson course even, gorgeous in every way that a golf course in the middle of the desert could be, given the area and the amount of play it gets. I love this game. I love the pageantry. I love that you seriously have to be dressed in actual clothes that are actually beautiful to look at in terms of "sports equipment." (I am sure that I don't have to explain it...I mean really...look at how great Tiger Woods looks when he is playing a tourney, or how awesome Ricky Fowler looks...even my "anti-favorite" - Mr. Mickelson....I just love this game!) Everything about the game of Golf, from a distance, has my name and my energy written all over it. 

BUT, I am scared to death to play golf. No, this doesn't mean that I will not try, because I try all the time. It means that until I can actually slam the hell out of that stupid little white ball and actually connect club head-to-ball without the ball ending up somehow behind me, I fear the game of golf. I fear it because out of everything that I am told that I am very good at, I know that this game will not be one of those things, at least not right away. Yes...stop....I know...."your fault...you lived at a golf course for almost a decade and never picked up a club as much as you should have..." Yes, I know it. I cannot  make up the excuse that I was too busy teaching hula (okay, maybe I can... but still). I cannot say that I couldn't afford to learn because the golf amenities were free to residents and homeowners. 

I have no excuse, at all. I cannot sit here and tell anyone that I didn't have the opportunity, or that no one wanted to play with me (...hello, Kim....shut up lol...). I have no excuse, but I have a reason, even though at this point in time I realize that really is the most ridiculous reason anyone has ever had. 

The reason that I almost refused to learn to play is that there were other people there at the course, at the range, and those other people would be watching me totally suck at the game of golf.  Golf requires concentration. If I am creating a new hula, I can concentrate. If I am composing a piece of writing for someone, I can concentrate. If I am doing a whole lot of other things that require concentration, I can deal with it. But when it comes to something where I am out in the open and it is something that I essentially know I can do and that I know I can do it because I was taught a whole lot of golf, I will hesitate. It is the hesitation brought about by the Ego part of me that won't allow me to drop my guard, be my silly self, and get my ass to at least the range with my golfer friends so that they and my boy can teach me better about this game I already know so very much about. 

No...no no no no no no....I am a chicken turd. Not even a little one. A spider I can grab something long and skinny and poke it til it runs away. I won't look like anything more than a very chick-like chick when it comes to that stupid little 8-legged monster. But GOLF? I LOVE the game...but I am afraid to look really bad, bad enough to be distracted and keep my eyes not where they belong, which is on that stupid little white ball that, just like an actual golfer knows, can make you crazy. How silly it is for me to allow something that I do not use regularly make me afraid of it. I am afraid to look like I don't know what I am doing, even though I sort of do. I am scared that my real level of distraction and my ability to lose my concentration when it comes to things "sport" because when I was a kid, my mother sent me to hula, not sports. Hula, not softball. Hula, not soccer. Hula....and bummer, but not golf. Not even to learn with her father, a man who was a magnificent participant in the most beautiful game these eyes have even had the opportunity to NOT learn to play when the time and the everything that I needed were at my disposal.

It is not really the fear of learning as much as it is the fear of not being great a something right away. And no tsk tsking me...we all do it.  All of us are afraid to find out that, based on some weird past experience with any failure at all and based on the reaction given to us by those watching, we are not as cool as we think we are, even though we indeed are that cool in reality. In reality no one who does not know us really cares about if we succeed or fail, and no one cares if we look foolish doing a thing or not unless it somehow will impact them personally. This is not my rule. This is just how it is. We cannot be perfect at everything. Some people are afraid to fall in love because of the past things that they went through in that energy in the past. Some people are scared to death of getting a promotion at work, because then they will have to live up to that promotion's expectations. Some folks are scared of letting go of something, because for some reason they might feel as though that thing has the power to make or to break them and their lives. This is not the truth.

There is no truth in not trying. Read that again. There is no truth in not trying - in not trying to get past your fears about things that are really very silly. I will say it now - I agree with anyone who would believe and have the opinion that my fear of failing at the game I love so much to watch is ridiculous. I agree that I should just get on out there and hit some of those dimpled white balls, and I agree that I should at least take my son and my friend up of their offer on some golf lessons, and I agree that there are things which are contained in the energy that is the fear that I have about looking foolish if I miss that stupid ball that anyone would be afraid of, but that there really and inherently is nothing for me to fear. The fear is ego based. It is the part of me that tells me that I am gonna look funny swinging that club, and it is the ego within me telling me that they're - whoever they are - are going to point and laugh and tell me that I swing looks like crap.

Of course it looks like crap! In fact, it is going to look like crap until I have perfected it, and I cannot perfect it if my fear of looking like it needs perfecting is so big that I cannot get past being just a spectator. And I promise you that there is one thing that I want to do, and I want to do this more than I want to do a lot of other things - that one thing is that I wanna learn to play golf, but in order to do that I have to do like I do the spiders that I am equally and justifiably afraid of -spiders, because some of them can kill a person - and poke it with a stick until it crawls away from me and stays its distance.

When we are scared to try something that we know we want to try but the fear inside of us stops us, we know that the Ego is alive and well within us enough to stop us from enjoying what it is that we so dearly want. As I mentioned already, I want to play golf. I have always wanted to. There are friends who ask me all the time why, if I have all this equipment, and have all these friends willing to teach me, and more, if my own son is up my okole about him teaching me while he has time to, am I still afraid? 

Because....there are some things that you cannot hide behind an excuse for, such as singing way out of tune at a party because you were drunk (done it...not a problem, do it all the time), or, falling flat on your face while performing in front of a crowd in excess of 1000 people or more (again, done it...and yes, dancing hula...don't ask). Yet, those are things that a lot of people are good at and in my case at least one of those two things is the truth of me. I am not scared to screw up during a hula performance, because I have screwed up so many times over the 40 years of my life that I have danced that, to screw up is sometimes needed. But when it comes to something that I want to do but have no actual talent for it (yet)? 

The only way that I am going to get past this fear of screwing up this game I love so much is to actually get out there with my boys and learn....

I plan on missing the ball at least 400 times before I give up and get tired of looking ridiculous, and that will be on the first time out and in the real.

The point is not that I love golf, or that I fear spiders, or screwing up and looking foolish.

The point is to get out there, screw up, and learn....forget about what happened in the past and how you screwed up in the past - the future is not back there and it is not even here yet!  Screw up now so that you can say that at least you tried....

Again...

Get out there.
Screw up.
Learn!

Duh!

I Love You All ! 
ROX

@ReverendRoxie22
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Respect and fear are NOT the same

Respect is something that is always expected...but it shouldn't be...

"Why should it not be just expected, Rox? Isn't that what we were taught as kids...that we have to respect our elders?"

Respect is a very funny thing...and by that I mean that it is peculiar and not hilarious. By that I mean that people who are in their late 30's to early 40's and beyond that age range are a group of people and parents who are teaching our kids to respect but also to be respected. This is not something that people who were raised, at least the majority of us in the generation which I was born, to believe that respect is just a given. It is not a given. In fact, I am a big believer in that if it is meant to just be a given that it should just be given at the time the doctor sees the baby's head - yup...THAT is when respect is a given because it should just BE given to that brand new life. Brand new life is like dangerous animals in the wild. No one would ever, without proper training and without a clue or even a whisper of common sense that we each immediately know upon even first sight of any wild animal that we see in their natural habitat - respect is needed. In the wild where the animals reign supreme and are dearly in charge of the natural order of things, respect is something that cannot be thought about. It must be there. If it is not there, any human who is not more aware of the creature it is confronted with will be hurt, or worse, killed, and worse than that - eaten.

Primal humans, meaning the kind that are brand new to this consciousness, are just as wild as those animals in the wild, and the proper training of that new life comes early on, immediately after it is brought into this lifetime. We would never expect a brand new baby to have what is the majority's thought about respect. It is cute and little and no where near as dangerous as are those animals encountered in the wild, but that new born child could be just like those animals under the right set of wrong circumstances. We all know that children, from the time they are born into this lifetime are just like those wild animals anyway, for no other reason than that we are like them, and they are like us, in more ways than we think we are. This is where today's writing comes into play in that we silly, "civilized" human type people have the ability to reason, and with that energy also comes the ability to still be as primal as we ever were, meaning that we are taught by fear and comfort, and always, one is stronger than the other.

This is where the "right set of wrong circumstances" as far as the human animal is concerned. We are a very dangerous animal. Our ability to reason only makes us more so, because we have the ability to make choices that involve other people. We are met with other people from the moment that we are born, at least in this realm, and in this realm we are given what is called an option. An option is funny, and I teach a whole lot about the difference between a choice and an option. A choice means that one of the choices in front of you is gonna be the only one with a "yes" for an answer, but with an option all of the answers to all of the options in front of you can be "yes" even though not at the moment. This is where a lot of people fail a child, where it is that they want their kids to show respect, but they themselves have no real clue of what respect truly is.

What Respect truly is NOT!

There are a lot of adults who were children who were raised with the energy of fear that the adults in our lives at the time called "Respect." No matter what it was that they used in order to force our respect the way that THEY wanted it, it worked, at least up until now, when a whole lot of us are in the mindset that is trying to repair what went awry with us when it became evident in our reptilian brains that something was not in accordance with the laws of Nature. Somehow, it was confirmed to us that which we already knew for a long time was not right, not okay, and we were, through our souls' suffering and as well, through the generation which followed our own, were tasked with the duty of righting that wrong that was not given to just a few of us, but to us all. We were raised to believe that respect and fearing others is correct, that it is believable that if we are scared to death, that we will not bother to question what it is that we have been told is the truth, and really, it is not the truth.

Fear is NOT respect. To tell us all that we "must fear God" is the biggest, ugliest sin of all, because to a child fear is fear, no matter what. When a child is afraid, he or she knows they are. Of all things to make a child fear, not only Spirit, but the fear that is a child afraid of his or her parents, which is also the fear of disappointing them, of doing things not good enough to please them, which can cause them to tell us that we were not good enough to do something to THEIR specifications ....this is how these people MADE US respect them, and our grandparents as well, because that is where the generation of parents before ours learned how to make us respect, through the use of fear. And it was a fear of things that were not only physical, but also emotional and spiritual as well. To feel like respect and fear are the same thing is very dangerous and causes people to go out into the world and do things and say things that are based in fear rather than in respect.

I hate to sound like I am hating on my 'Aumakua, like I am hating on my Kupuna, but the way that a whole lot of Hawaiian kids are taught as youngsters is the "hit first and ask questions later" type of instilling into kids a forced respect based in fear. This is an act of fear placed on a child by adults who are still listening to the things that the people who, at one time, who, some of them, are not in this awareness that we are anymore, were the adults in the lives of the people who were the adults in our own lives. This is how fear becomes equated with respect, and how this sort of energy is carried down the bloodlines and into the subsequent generations which follow.

What Respect IS 

Respecting other people is how we learn to get along in this lifetime, period. Respect, in its Merriam-Webster's definition is as follows:

"...(2) vb 1 : to consider deserving of high regard: ESTEEM 2: to refrain from interfering with another's privacy 3: to have reference to :CONCERN..." (2006, Merriam-Webster's Dictionary and Thesaurus, pg 893) 

Respect is not fearing anything or anyone, but is displaying the qualities that are that of high regard for others, and our not even thinking to pry into another's private and in-the-soul places where no one should be without some sort of permission, and it is being concerned with the well being of others, and, as well, to be able to have even the tiniest bit of empathy in regards to another's life, choices, being-ness, etc.

This current generation of parents, we have the opportunity and the option to teach our own charges what respect really is. Our children are not scared, at least not like we were. They are not afraid to tell us when they hurt because they are not afraid that their parents are going to tell them to choke back the tears because no one wants to be around a cry baby. Our kids are not afraid to be who they truly are....blue hair...tatted out...piercings....LGBT...because our generation knows what it is like to try to fit into a personality and a spirit that is conforming and that is rigid and just not who or what we are, and is also not who they are.

We teach our own children this Kuleana, this responsibility of the Soul that was handed down to us in its rawness, in its violence, in its pain, and with these things we brought to the world this sense of Respect that is the very truth of us....tats, blue hair, piercings and all, and really, it is a beautiful thing, because it is the truth.

There is never anything essentially wrong with the truth. Respect is Truth. Period.

Respect is not violence handed down with a heaviness of the hand and the weightiness of hurtful words that sting the soul, harm the pride within, crushes the Spirit that is essential to who we are on the inside. Respect is not names called in haste, is not the parental authority that was there and present in our own lives, when we were children, when it was our own Kuleana, unbeknownst to us all, that the lessons we were given that were the evidence that Respect was not meant to harm us was not the actuality of this thing that is vital to healing, is vital to the growth of the Soul within. It takes so very little to do small things, but in their anger, in their misrepresentation of the truth that they were forced to accept by their own Kupuna, they gave us that which they knew not was anything but respect.

To violate a person's sense of self using things that they believe is the truth is wrong. To violate anyone as a means to manipulate and cause harm, even unwittingly, is wrong. To teach fear as respect is dangerous, gives someone a reason to feel as though they somehow are wrong for who and what they are. Our lives were not meant to be lived under the control of other people, namely not those whose lives were lived in fear of disappointing people who were likely and also afraid. It is our place in this Universe to give respect, so that those in our charge will learn it and not fear others.

It is dangerous to the all of humanity to teach fear, because fear makes us act out irrationally, and that is the thing that a lot of people who teach with the crack of the whip rather than the truth as it really is do not understand they are doing. When we teach others who we are, we teach them through reaching them in ways that are not felt physically, but from and with the Spirit and those lessons reach all the way down to the Bones of the Soul.

Teach Respect, and TO respect, rather than to force respect through fear and manipulation.

We must take up our Kuleana, both singularly as well as collectively, and remind ourselves daily about the things that we were taught, that were forced onto us, and whose rules were those set by people, at that time, who were no longer in physical existence. We must stop leaning on the understanding of those who have passed away in terms of fear as respect, and we must force ourselves to step outside of the comfort zone of conformity because if we do not, we will create another generation of people who hurt others, who willingly abuse those they say they love, and all for what?

Respect that is not truly respect, but is fear instead dressed up as what we have been told to believe is Respect.

Respect should be a given, not because it is expected, but because all humans should expect to be respected, period.

If we behave like people tell us to, and what they say is based in fear rather than in Love, we will essentially be as those who brought to us the lessons that were not respect, and were anything but Love.


I Love You All
ROX

@ReverendRoxie22

Insecurity - it's that thing you are shrinking from

Society has only shown us what we are not able to do, what we cannot have, who we are not. It has yet to tell us exactly just how kick ass we each and all are

Fear. It is the greatest crippling thing in the world. Fear makes us think and assume and ultimately do things that we otherwise would balk at. Fear makes us think that we are not as awesome as we truly are. Fear makes us say things that hurt other people. Fear makes us become the thing that we cannot stand, and the one thing that no one can stand is being afraid. This tangible world has us all believing that no matter how good we think we are, that there is always someone who is going to be better than we are. While this is the truth it is not a truth that needs to be heard or said by anyone at all. While it is the truth, what is also the truth is that there is not one other person on this planet who is just like you are. You are an original. You are mighty and powerful in your own right and in your Soul you are like anyone else is - brilliant.

Yet, you want to believe what you have been told that you are. You want to believe that you are as stupid as you have been told that you are. You want to believe that you are not beautiful. You want to believe that you are a liar. You want to believe that you are a cheater. You want to believe that you are not awesome. I am here to tell you that you are very well quite awesome.

Most folks are too scared to see that there is the off chance that we each might be absolutely bad ass. Think about that for a minute. When we are told by anyone at all that we are not possessed with certain ways of being, that we do not look as good as this person does when they wear a certain color, that we are not as smart as someone else is when said person is doing what they do best, that no matter what or who we are, that we are not the greatest version of ourselves that we can be.

That sucks.

Knock your crap off. Do you not realize that when you think the way that other people manipulated you into believing that you are giving your power and control of who you are away? Are you not aware that while you might not be the ideal of one person's preference, that you might be exactly what a whole gang of fools might actually be all about? No one ever thinks past the last horrible thing that they were told, and what they were told is probably a lie, is just the thing that a person who has manipulated you into believing otherwise than that you are bad ass and awesome. 

If you feel threatened by someone else's presence, that is not the someone else's thing to deal with. They were just being their damned selves, and it is not their fault that they have grown out of the idea that anyone should have to prove that they are worthy, yes, even you. If you feel intimidated by someone else, for whatever reason, that is on you, because it is not the other person doing anything other than being who they are and being who they are for all the right reasons. And no, none of the right reasons are or even sound like "to bug you." That is such an egotistical stance to take, namely when it comes to someone else, who they are, what they do, that they are loved by many. You can have this, too, but you have to stop believing what it is that you keep telling yourself that someone else told you.

Yes, I know, a lot of people lied to you, and you trusted a lot of people, and all those people ended up being less than pure and honest with you. So what? What about you? Why are you so worried about what you assume other people are thinking about you, and more, you don't realize it but when you decide to feel threatened by other people, decide that someone is intimidating, you are judging them, harshly even, and I know this is the truth because I have been on both sides of that ball court and lemme tell you this much - it is NOT worth it. 

It is not worth all the pain, all the emotional crap that you are going to not only put yourself through, but everyone else, too, and you will put them through it all for an assumption. I go through it a LOT, more than I think I deserve to, and it is because for some odd, weird reason, I happen to be yet another human being on the face of the planet. In fact, there are many of us here, and we are all here NOT to make anyone feel like they are going to lose anything to us, not to make anyone believe that they are going to have to live up to who anyone else is, not, not, NOT for all the silly reasons that anyone else would assume, and then choose to hate on, another person.

Just because someone else looks another way, or is more intellectually inclined than another person, it is not permission to be an ass hat and make the lives of the people in our lives miserable by making it seem as though anyone has to live up to anyone else at all. When we put the weight of our own fear and our own insecurities on other people so that they can bear the weight of our pain and we end up hurt, this is the point at which we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves and not only ourselves, but other people, too. This is the funny thing, here, guys - we all have to accept that there are other people on this planet, and we all have to get used to the idea that there are going to be a lot of people who will not change who they are for lil' ole us.

Lil' ole us has to realize that we are not the only people here, that people who we share a closeness with also have other people in their lives and those people are there to share with the world who they are, and you are part of the world, meaning that those who would be welcoming like this would probably not be as bad as one might want to believe they are. The thing is, when someone thinks that they have anything or anyone to live up to, it is time, at that point, to think past who we think we are and who we have been told we are and just be who we really are. 

You might surprise yourself. You might actually like you. In fact, the people who you might have seen as a danger to your soul may actually be ones who will cause you to want to meet someone you have never really met before, and that means that you cannot possibly know them.

That someone is You, silly....

Stop assuming that you are in danger or threatened by that which and who is not you. You are just as special as anyone would be, and you have a lot to offer the world, just as much as anyone would. You should also stop letting those damned ear gremlins into your brain...they are in there messing with your mind and making you think things that you know are not true, and even if they were true, you cannot change what has happened, can't change other people.

You can only pull your head out of your ass and realize that the reason things seemed so dark and shitty was because you had your head up your ass....

Duh...

Somethings never change...thank the Goddess that we humans were born equipped to evolve at our own pace...

Stop being afraid of what you cannot control, and stop feeling threatened or minimized by people who you don't care to even want to know. 

They may very well be exactly what you need.
How will you find that out if you keep on assuming that they feel about you the way that you presently do?

Good question, right?

Be You...and not this ...meh...version of You.

You are not a shrinking violet and you never were.

Come out of the darkness and see the Light...it's nice on this side...

Don't be afraid. Slide on into the evolution that is You.
I promise, this side of the velvet rope isn't so bad once you realize that it was put there to keep others out of YOUR happy place and not the other way around...

Yeesh !

I LOVE YOU ALL !
ROX

Unfinished Business

Like a sink full of dirty dishes...

I hate washing dishes. I hate it. I have been the one person who has had to wash dishes from the time that I was an 8 year old kid, and to this day I am still the one who washes the damned dishes because the truth isn't that I am great at it, neither that it is just "my" chore, but more along the line of thought that is my not being able to trust other peoples' "good job" at cleaning up the mess when the eatin' is finished. 

There are days we all have when we are just too tired to do what we are supposed to do. After a while, that which we were supposed to do starts to pile up on the inside, and after a while we feel heavy in the Soul. It is at that time we know that we have to do some soul searching, have to go within and clean up the mess that is there. We have to go inside of our Selves and see where it is that we ignored the pain we caused someone else and of course, that someone else caused us. While we were clueless to the pain we didn't know we caused, we have the ache within that is the person who we unwittingly hurt there, in that energy where we are not sure how to deal with it. Dealing with the pain and the garbage that has been left behind by any one event, or even if we hang on to the idea that it was brought to us through someone else, the truth is that what is there now is ours alone to deal with. 

Our lives are very messy emotionally, spiritually, and all the time we are being sent messages and clues from the ether, messages and secrets that are not directly being told to us by others, and in those energies are the things that we collect and hang onto for dear life. When we hang on to the things that hurt us so that we can, rather than deal with it and work through it and get through it, continue to siphon the energies of others so that we may be able to still blame someone else for how we feel is when we also need to think about clearing our own emotional drain, because in truth, it has become clogged to the point where nothing can clear out the way that it is meant to.

The energy of Now is that of finishing up anything that can be thought of as "unfinished business," but it is not the sort that is outside of us. It is within. We can no longer just sit and wait for time to pass by, thinking that what we are doing and who we are is up to someone else to take care of. My own students of Spirit know, well ahead of time, that when I let them know that now is the time for this, that or the other, that there is no time to waste because my thought and my teachings are the sort which require being done in a timely manner, and you can sit there and snicker, but when we are talking about the clearing out of the broken pieces of the past, and all we can do is sit there and look at what cut us to the bones of our souls and see there the evidence that we have been hurt and we bother to do nothing and do not even acknowledge that there is still some work to do, we are taking away from ourselves a whole lot, but the one thing that we take away is our own power. 

This is what I mean when I tell my students that there is no one who is in charge of them but them. Some of them, even without their saying so, are still in the mind set that the teacher is who is in the lead. The truth is that I am never in the lead, am never the one who is doing the work, and am only the one who, when the need arises, points out things that I know these lovely people will not see because it is not yet, at that time, part of their way of thinking. The one thing that they all know is that I will not do the work for them, that I will never tell them what it is that I know that they need to learn or at least to try to figure out, and while it frustrates some of them that this is how I help them to learn, it is, indeed, the only true way to learn - through living in the truth that they are trying to create for themselves.

During the time that they are learning, however, there is always something that calls their attention away from what they are learning, and normally it is something that calls them away for a good enough reason, and always that reason is some sort of unfinished business. Unfinished business can be thought of as many things, but the one thing that it will not and cannot ever be thought of is someone else's to deal with. Now, I am not saying that if you need to see a shrink that you can handle things on your own and to not go and see one - not at all! In fact, that you know you need to see one is the best example of what I mean by finishing up what needs to be finished. I did it. I saw a therapist when the time came and I accepted that I could not sort out all the pain from my own hanging on to the past. I did it. You can do it. We are all able to know when we need help.

We cannot leave things left open and festering. Like a sink filled with dirty dishes with goopy, nasty stuff on them that has congealed and is now fodder for every housefly in existence, our souls sometimes need to be cleansed of the weight of things not finished yet. People have heard me say that "things are not yet pau hana," meaning that the things that someone is working on that is theirs to work on and to learn to use to their own best advantage are not finished being worked on, honed, or, sometimes, let go of. We have to let go of the pain of the past. If we don't, it sticks with us and weighs us down from the Soul, out, and then what is there begins to bleed out onto everyone within our energy field. When that happens and people are not to inclined to want to hang with us, we can either be ass hurt by their resistance, or we can take what they tell us and use it to Spiritually clean our houses. 

We are the Temple, are the keeper of the flame within. It does not take a whole lot to get dirty, even though it takes a whole lot for us to be able to accept that what we hang on to that is hurting us still is what we need to be made free from, is what we need to purge from ourselves, even if it means that we have to cry some, means we have to rage in private, means that we have to do whatever it is that we know we should so that we can ultimately be free from the pain that we ourselves administer. It is not easy, cleaning up our messes, because we all believe that the messes were placed there by someone else when really, they were merely who pointed out that we have one at all.

We cannot and should not ever depend on others to clean for us, because we know that we cannot and could not do for them what they can do for themselves. It is not our Kuleana to try to make things right in someone else's life. That is their mess. 

You have your own

Clean up your Self, then go out into your world and tell others that they can also clean up theirs. You can tell them that you were able to do it, that yes, it was, at times, very harrowing.

But look at you now....you shine brighter than you did just a little while ago.

You began to realize that no one else would clean up your mess.

Niiiice ! 

I Love You All
ROX 

The Climb up to the top only looks too hard

We can only grow from here, but it will hurt

I did a lot of soul searching this past weekend, because I have avoided doing so for a long time now. I have neglected that which needs my attention, and I find that the thing that needs my attention the most is my very self. By this I mean that collectively we are all hurting but it is because we are holding on to that pain, holding on to the things that make us soul sick and holding on to what was because we are too scared to see what is real in this moment.

What is real in this moment is our fear. People who have hurt for long periods of time remain in that energy because of one thing and one thing only - because it is familiar to us, and I have to repeat myself again when I say that humans are strange in that we all would rather choose what is familiar but uncomfortable and what we recognize as our reality versus reaching out to Spirit and asking Her to please guide into the evolved Selves that we are growing to be and to become. We are so worried about what has happened to us that we are too afraid to climb to the top of the mountains that were once our molehills and where we are now is stuck somewhere in the interim where our past looks okay to have to run back to because right Now is not any less painful and the mountain that we must climb toward the healing we so seek seems such a daunting thing that we would rather go backwards than we would climb further. 

Right now there is a collective ache, a thought which permeates the Universal climes that we are all floundering in the sea called "Not forgiving our selves of our sinfulness," and it is the pain that we ache from that is no longer here and in the real that is much more harsh on us than is the idea that we have the option to grow and become all who we are meant to, all that we need to, all that we really know we are. Change is scary. I know change. It is not a nice entity, but it is a needed one, namely when we are trying hard to let go of things and ways of being and when we are trying to grow into who we are no longer. Who we are no longer is this pained being who needs salvation from something outside of ourselves. 

And speaking of "outside of ourselves," there is the question of those who are refusing to evolve, who want us to know that they hurt and they believe that it is because of us that they hurt. It is no one's business or responsibility to carry the pain of someone else's hurt, not now, most certainly not  forever. Just because that is how it went in the past, it does not make it so in the now. That's right- I said it, now deal with the fact that other people are not meant to carry our hurt, are not meant to continue to carry the things that not even we want to carry, even as what is ours we should willingly carry. I have been there, and I have done that, and that is not the thing that will help heal anyone. The moment that a person can deal with their pain, own it, change it and then release it is the moment that we find Paradise we all seek. 

It is these people, the very ones who tell us that we are forgiven who also are not willing to relieve themselves of the pain that they themselves are choosing to hang onto. There are some people who cannot and will not accept their own pain, that is their own cause, and if anyone reading this believes these words to be horribly cruel, I am inclined to remind anyone who is playing "poor me" at this moment that you will continue to play that same game and sing that very same song the longer that you choose not to grow. Growing is not easy, and the growing pains are real, are there and are meant to show us, tangibly, what it is that we are no longer in need of. Yet, you stay there, in your crucified state of being, sacrificing who you really are, all so that other people will pay attention to your sad story.

I know that deep emptiness, that feeling that no one will love you if it is not the way that you yourself cannot Love You. This is the Truth. We each and all have to Love our Selves. If We each and all are not Loving our very selves, what chance have we at being able to truly Love another without still being the way that we are to these very people now? We must place ourselves in the place we want them to stay, a place that is being controlled by another person (you) through manipulation and guilt. Whether you believe it or not, there will come a day when that person, or those people, will get to the point where they will try to save your silly ass one more time, or instead and for the very first time in their lives, they will choose to save themselves. Finally, and because they realized that all along, people depended on them to just be there and took for granted that living within that mask that is the Ego's physical presentation is a human being, who, just like anyone else, eventually runs out of anything for anyone. 

Even Our Very Selves.

And when you get to that point where you are physically affected by what you chose to give to someone else in terms of energy, then really, you truly are the very one who, now you know, because I speak from experience, are who is at fault for every single tiny little pain you feel now, both physically or otherwise. This is the truth. This is the truth that we all come to meet with, and then after we have taken the time to ignore what is our own truth, only pointing out the sins of the other, we realize one day that we were the other half of that ugliness, and that there really is nothing more that can be done than to begin the climb. It is not someone else who has us locked in the past and the pain, only ourselves. 

Following the Path to Enlightenment was never promised to be easy, but many of us know the truth that is being who we are, and part of being who we are means taking at least the same amount of care that we do with our material things. We fail to take care of our very selves, and we are precious, each of us, because we are here and purposed with things that we do not understand but are compelled to allow ourselves to be drawn to them. And we know that there is a bit of changing of our minds and our habits, and we relearn the value that is Love, but of the Soul, not of the body. We find others who are like us and in pain on their Path, and they come along for the stroll through life, being themselves, allowing us to be our full selves as well, and living as we are meant to - to Be, in Love. 

Far too many of us still want someone else to Love us as much as we should each Love ourselves. Not one of us can say that we have never done things that we did not want to do because we all make decisions everyday. There is not one person reading this who can say that at least one time in their lives they have not hurt so badly that the thing that made them hurt is the very thing that they are hanging on to that is also making them hurt. One day, we all learn to accept things as they are. One day, all of us realize that while it is one truth that we can affect the future and create it the way we want it to be, just like we also can never change what is the past. Things happen. People grow. People meet other people and make friends with those new people and they become tightly bonded to each other because these people have made their lives make sense to them. People share lives, period. It is not meant to be judged with a smallness of mind. 

It is not meant to be judged at all.

This is a part of the climb, the part of evolving that continues to creep up on us and jump out at us because we let it. We cannot control other people or what they will or will not Be, cannot affect who they are with our emotions. This is something that we all go through, and hopefully something we all learn.

Life is Beautiful. Life takes courage and a willingness to become all we are each meant to be, which is a whole hell of a lot. Life takes a gentle forcefulness of Love that is unconditional, that places us all into a space where we each learn that it is a lot of hard work to climb, to get ourselves out of the mindset that is a victimized Soul. 

Life requires Love.
Love requires us.
We require, each, to Love Our Selves.
When we can Love Our Selves, we will Know what Love requires so that it may be shared unconditionally...

I Love You All !
ROX

What the Dragonfly told me

Screaming, silently, is the song of transformation

It was simply just time, I felt, to change the theme of this blog from the heralding and quietly venomous journal that it could have been seen as, to this blatant act of transformation, and I was told that this would happen, but not by a human being - by, instead, a hummingbird, a dragonfly, a crow, a Japanese Beetle and of course, a butterfly. 

I noticed that I began seeing more and more of these specific creatures, and at first I was a little freaked out because they all are of the same elements - air, and earth, but there was only one of them which was related to water, and that one creature was the Dragonfly. Dragonflies are odd as much as they are gorgeous. They remind me sort of myself in that I am a bit on the odd side, do not consider myself to be this gorgeous creature outwardly, even though I know that my heart and soul are well on their way there, and it is not without tears, not without the aches and the pains related to transformation of the Self. Yes, while it is that this is a writing that would have been well suited to my other blog, at this time in our collective thought and our collective energy, my thought personally is that there is no place else where this particular writing should be, because as anyone who has been where I have been, you know that the one thing we ALL pine for is to no longer hurt, even if it means that, one last time, we must go through what it is that hurt us in the first place, even if it is only in our minds and souls. 

Transformation means change, and change is scary. Right now, though, we are being told by our outer planets that our inner workings will never be what they need to be if they do not bother with the ugliness that is the pain that we each just shoved down deep into the recesses of the psyche, into the dark shadows of the place where, for too long now, both literally and in a figurative sense, we have remained for far too long already. We are being called out of the darkness, and it is the outer things that make us cry that are making the inner things feel like this is just not going to be what we need or want, is no longer what we have a use for, and most of us have a very difficult time with letting go of things. I know I do. And yes, it is because for a long stretch of time I was someone's victim, and then I was my own survivor, but now?

Now I am all the Healer that I was sent to this lifetime to be, and while I may not fully believe that thought, my Soul tells me that I am right and that this is where I am supposed to be right now. Yes, I am, like you are, meant to be in this energy that is the hurt and the heartache from all the hurting we have done for the past however long we have hurt for, and now is when that energy is no longer needed because at this point in our Path to Evolving who we are for real, we have already used the pain and the hurt and the everything else that people and more so, ourselves, gave to us. It is hard for someone like me who has fought to keep herself from sliding back into the energy that is victimhood, harder for me to let go of the label of Survivorhood, and even more difficult, not to accept my place as the Spiritual Diva I have turned into (Yeah, I said it - deal with it...) and more difficult to NOT say what I am and most difficult to wear the Soul of being a Shamaness versus speaking the role of that same thing. If there is anything that being a survivor has taught me it is that sometimes it is not we who needs to spout about who we are, but instead, we who need to let other people come to us and tell us that they know.

When we go and tell people what we are, we give the ego within a place to fester when instead it needs to learn to just Be. This is the thing about being a survivor of anything - we need to learn to just Be who we are and let Spirit handle the rest. This, along with a lot of other things, is what the Dragonfly told me. 

The dragonfly told me that it is time to accept the upheaval in my life, to see to it that I really am ready to get out there in the big fat obnoxious world and be who I am becoming. It was the Dragonfly who told me that I needed to see my own iridescence, my own Piscean sparkle, but not to let my own Ego be who spouts about it, but rather and only, those who I have been in close council with, and some of those people it has been years and years, and also, with those people, it has been without my realizing that my lot in life is to be the Love and the healing energy in the lives, not only of those closest to me, but the world at large. I know from watching these creatures that my place in the world of the Soul is to be light with my energy, swift with my teachings, ardent with my thoughts, and that even physical beauty has elements, not only of danger, but more, of the Shadow (because some people have, until now, or at least recently, only seen and appreciated the outer me...it was not til recently that they saw me for the first time...it scared them, but they know, too, that I am who and what I say I am) side of me as it pertains to them.

It was not that I didn't know that this part of our collective transformation was coming, but that it had already been here for quite some time and that the aches and the pains were not from anything more than those changes which had already happened. We do not realize it until someone tells us that indeed, we are beautiful, but it is not what we think, not what we wanted, but totally what is good and right and loving about who we each are. It is time, the dragonfly told me, to take care of me. It is time, the Beetle told me, to get through everything while flying with the greatest of ease (and hell yes even if, like the Japanese Beetle is known to, I run into things that are there in my awareness but still do not avoid them) and to forge forward, no matter what. It is time, the Crows screamed at me, to look the fear of loss in the face and to see the other side of it, which came from the butterfly. It is time, said the hummingbird, to be joyful, not only that you do what you do, but that you enjoy the work and the people, and all of them said the same thing...

...all of them reminded me that Spirit takes care of them, that they eat when they are hungry, sleep safely when they sleep, do what they will, and still go on to the next thing...still, they carry on, and still, they progress. Through each of their own transformation, they told me that I have nothing to fear, that what I need is mine, that what I want is in manifest, that who I am meant as in the lives and times of others, particularly those who are closest to me, is becoming.

Who I am to others is in manifest. Who I was?

Well, that person, while she still exists, is quickly realizing that while transforming one's life to meld with one's own soul...yeah...it's a BITCH to get through, but...again...

Spiritual Divas...we are not made this way...we are born to figure it out and then one day...

...one day we are visited by a Hummingbird, a Japanese Beetle, a noisy damned crow and its friends, a Butterfly in all its glory...

...and a Dragonfly...and one who likes to tell me its secrets....

I Love You All !
ROX

All the way past tired and back

It is time for a breather, time for us to see where we have been (and more, what we have each evolved to by now...hint...there is no one on this planet who is just like you...)

From time to time we need to take stock of things in our lives and we need to look at every thing that has happened to us to a point where we can only bother to deal with what we can deal with and the rest just has to work itself out. We have so many things happening all at one time right now that to choose one thing to work on, I know, feels like an impossible thing, but it is not impossible. The truth is that we might just be tired, and tired on a level that none of us really was prepared for. The only things that we saw a year ago right now is that there was a lot that had to change, and a lot that we had at our disposal, and a lot that no one was really wanting to go through.

My thought, even though I know that we are all tired, is that it is really just time to let it and everyone who is not in on it with us...time has come to let them go. The reason is that we will just continue to spin our wheels, will continue to just not deal with things in the manner that we need to and will just keep on going around and around in these circles and in this energy that is so not ours anymore, and sometimes, never was ours. We just chose to take it all on as though we were somehow the only one in the game who could make things different for anyone else at all. We never allow ourselves to hurt to the point where it will make a difference for ourselves, where it might be just the thing that we were looking for but were those things in the raw and not all prettied up like we want them to be. We are too willing to not be who we are, too intended upon being someone who we are not, and not even for the betterment of our formerly battered selves, but rather and only so that others will accept us, and accept us not even as we really are.

Well, I will admit to one thing that is the very truth of me, much as I am hopeful that it is also the truth of you, and that one thing is that dearly, I Love Me. Really. I do. You should also Love You. It isn't a bad thing at all, to Love one's own self. It took me a very long time to be able to take a look in the mirror, both literally and, of course, in those who are closest to me, and see there that I ain't so bad after all. No matter what I have been told, and no matter who has said what with the intention only of hurting me so that they do not also have to hurt as much, I know my own truth. I know that I am real. I know that what I have learned to this moment is also the truth and is also real, much as I know anything that I have had the luck of learning from a book.

The things that I have witnessed and have had as my own experience tells me that I am one who deserves this feeling, this knowing that where I am now, at this moment in time, I meant to be. I might not like it, and some of what I see currently in manifest I might not have enough patience to want to think about too much in depth, but it is all there, and all of it tells me that no matter what, I have survived something that too many people survive, and many more who do not. I have been through the wringer and back. I can tell, these days, who is there for me, who is there because of me, who is there and has bad intentions, and who, for real, really truly values and Loves me. Where it was that I thought I would never live with one sort of energy that I thought might be Love, in its place I have been given those who are just like me in many ways, and in all the ways that make us unique, I have been embraced for that special thing, in their eyes, makes me, Me. And they Love me, all of them do. They Love me because I Love Me.

However, it took me some time before I realized the one thing that I never even took notice of in the past. This time around, with these new people, I found out through them that I made it where I am today because I took the chance to go all the way past being tired, and crawled, sorta, all the way back to me, and every bit of that time was worth it all. It was worth it to have my heart broken on more than one occasion and by more than one person, because without those things happening, I might not know that I am worth what it will take for people to want to be in my life. Without these people mirroring who I am, I would not know just how dearly special that I really am, that anyone really is, and without these used-to-be-strangers who very quickly became a huge part of me and my life I would not know who I am. Because of them I know who I am, and more, I also can now believe that I was never ever who I was told that I was, never ever was what I  knew I have never been.

I have always been strong. I have always been talented. I have always been gifted.

I have always been impatient. I have always wanted to trust people, no matter who they are. I have always been more willing to want to believe the lies that I knew were there were the truth because the truth of other people sometimes sucks.

I have always been cooperative, always been compassionate, always, always, always been one with a heart full of Love and a Soul full of Light and a Spirit that was nothing but the realest thing that can be called "Aloha."

I have always been many, many ways, and I have always been always only me. It is not my fault that there are people on this planet who cannot, for the life of them, deal with me just being me, and further, why are they so bothered by me when they have so much of themselves to pay attention to? Why am I that interesting to people who only want to see what is not there that they want to see there and may even try to place there, but it is not because I make them do it.

I ran all the way past tired and back, and through it all I was Loved, cherished, safe, accepted...just exactly as I am.

I know now that I do not need to wait for people to accept me, do not need to wait for people to Love me.

I am already Loved and Accepted....

Mahalo Nui

Aloha ...I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

Trust is Tangible

You are proof that Trust is a tangible thing

Please don't get me wrong - by stating that you being in the presence or lives of people makes it so that you trust them or that they trust you is NOT what I am talking about. Abuse survivors know one thing is truth - we all know that trust is a thing that has to be in any relationship or else it turns into a master/servant thing at best, and well, we all know what happens that can mark the part that is "at worst." 

By my stating and thinking that trust is a tangible thing and that you are proof of it is that all abuse survivors end up with new people in our lives, people who we may have had the luck of coming into contact with a second time around, or people who we never met before and that all of us have to relearn how to trust other people. It is not an easy thing to do, either. We all want to have people in our lives, all want to be loved and cherished and want to have closeness with people, but how we handled not being trusted by the ones who were supposed to trust us, and the ones who made us work for their trust even as they demanded that we not question their trustworthiness, how we handled others not trusting us for no reason at all versus how we handle our being able to trust anyone at all after the fact are two very different things.

That anyone who has gone through something as awful as any kind of abuse is one thing, but to expect that anyone who has gone through it at all and come out at the other end able to deal with things and also able to try and trust other people again is almost impossible to believe, given  the circumstances, that anyone in that situation can trust again. Trust is not easy. Once it has been fractured it takes a bit of time to regain it, not in the person who broke it, but with anyone. Abuse survivors know what it is to feel like no one and no one's words can be trusted, and we find out that no matter how many excuses we are willing to make for people who have done us wrong, at the bottom of it all we know what is the truth, and the truth is that trusting others is not only something that needs to be regained in us, but more, is something that we have to try hard not to falter on. 

We second guess everything and everyone, but no one more do we do this with than ourselves. You have to remember that we have been physically assaulted, accused of cheating, of lying, of stealing, of doing things that are all chalked up to an assumption, and the assumption is the thing that keeps an abuser in control. They want to own us, not love us, because they have no idea the truth that is Love. This is what we, the abused and the formerly abused, know as our reality. We have a hard time taking people for their word, and we have an even harder time with trusting ourselves with trusting anyone, ever again. When a survivor of abuse comes into your life, it is a gift. It is a gift because you have the opportunity to watch trust become a part of a person's life. 

Too often in life we take for granted that we will be trusted, and then one day we meet someone who we trust our whole self with and that one person ends up breaking that trust, either by not trusting us or outright accusing us for doing things that we would never do. It is immediate that we have to try hard to come out of our selves, to reach out and to be with people who, at the onset, we so dearly want to trust - and it hurts to not trust another person. As humans we are not meant to be anything other than with each other, and when the trust has been broken we become confused as to how it is that this happened. We do not know when it started, all we do know is that it hurts, that it cuts all the way to the bones, all the way to the soul. The first thing that anyone experiences with someone who is going to put us to task with our ability to trust others is the idea that we are not anywhere near good enough to be taken for the words that are coming out of our mouths. When all you have is the words that you speak, and someone who is meant to just trust you because we so readily trust them, does not extend that same energy in return, it creates a climate of "master/servant."

When we have to beg to be who we are, and beg to be able to feel okay with ourselves and someone who we wanted at one time to so dearly trust us, and they think the thoughts that they do that make it difficult for those who have been abused, those who have survived the abuse, those who are still in the throes of the abuse to be able to get out of that mold, that energy that we do not fit into, but that we are being told is who we are. When we are not allowed to be who we are, this creates a serious sense of mistrust. It is an energy that tells us each that who we are is not good enough to be trusted, that we are "not up to spec" with the person who we gave our whole selves to. Our whole self is the only thing that we really can claim to having and when it is that we are told that who we are somehow is not good enough to behave in a manner that is befitting of someone who is meant to be loved and means only to love, and we get told, perhaps not in so many words that the way we are is so irritating to another person and that we feel like we are not even liked by them, let alone loved, it creates an energy of mistrust - not only in other people, but more, and sadly, within ourselves. 

Trust is a tangible thing, a tangible energy, much as is everything, because trust is us. We are the embodiment of trust. We are trust come to life. When an abuse survivor can become trusting with themselves is when it becomes tangible, because with that trust in ourselves also comes the luxury of just being able to sit in our skin and finally, after many, many years, we can feel our wholeness coming back to us, can feel like we are meant to be this person who we have fought so long and so hard to be again. My thought about not being trusted is that because an abuser is such an insecure person with their own selves and with their own thoughts and essentially are not happy with themselves, they must find others to help them understand this part of them, and the best person to do that is someone who is like them in opposition. 

To believe otherwise- that we are anything other than the most purest of evidence that trust is a tangible thing, is to take away the things from us, the lessons that we learned, which tell everyone, including ourselves, that we have not been through everything that we know we have been. It is like telling a child that he or she has no reason to fear the monsters in the closet after we have told them that monsters exist. The only monsters that exist are those who are willing to breach our trust and expect that we should just deal with the idea that who they are in their own mind is so important to the benefit of mankind that somehow, to not trust them and their words and their actions is somehow a sin against man and nature.

The idea that we are not willing to trust them as well as a lot of other people is not giving credence to the fact that we know what we went through, we know how we felt and now, how we feel. We know that who we are is important, and we also know that there is an energy between us and our abusers, no matter who they are or where they are, that only with our own ability to rebuild trust in ourselves and for ourselves, that there will never be trust for another again until that happens. 

This is how we know that we are trust come to life. Because we are cautious, because we hurt, because we bear the scars and the wounds of the battle within ourselves is why it is that trust is a tangible thing. 

It is tangible because in order to trust someone enough to love them, we must be able to give ourselves to them, in every way that we can imagine.

Without trust within, there can never be trust on the outside, either...

I Love You All
ROX

I hope they've learned as much as I have

It is hard to let go when you don't want to...namely, when you know it is best you do

There are things that I know I have to do. I have to do the laundry. I have to prepare for school, for widowhood, for lots of things. So the one thing that I need to do very dearly is simply to let people who try hard to break me, who will not bother with telling me what is their truth, and who hide behind their fear...well, let's just say that I am tired of my intelligence being insulted, and I am sick to death of being told one thing only to find out otherwise. We shall also say that this is not completely a goodbye, not really a "good riddance," but more my own way of seeing what needs to be purged from my life, and the one thing that I know needs to be purged from my life are those who seem not to be able to release the old so as to make room for the new and the better. 

In essence, this is not really a goodbye, but more along the lines of letting some folks who need to learn about themselves and then try harder to grow out of their old patterns so that they can realize the new part of them. It is this new part of themselves that is trying hard to escape the old patterns, but it is the old part - the part of them that requires no work to change for their own good and their own life purpose, and which is also the part of them that is connected to their Ego sense. Recall that when I talk about the "Ego sense," that I am talking about that part that resides in each of us that is scared to grow because it will take too much time, or it will hurt to much to try to change the things about us and the habits and the ways that we make ourselves not have to feel our own life's pains to become what they are each meant to be. What they are each meant to be are lessons, are teachers to our lives, and sadly, there are a lot of folks who, for one reason or another, are having a hard time trying to get to that place that they know they want to be but for the life of them just seem not able to overcome what it is that plagues them.

What plagues them, essentially, is fear. Humans are taught to fear and to not question. We are taught that we have to use other people, have to try to hide a piece of who we are so that no one can see the reality that is ours, and we are scared as hell of being judged because we do not want our truth to be made everyone else's truth. Everyone else's truth never has to be our truth, but sometimes we buy it. Sometimes we buy other peoples' bullshit. No where else is this more prevalent than in the lives of the abused and formerly abused. Those who have been abused tend to think in a way that is always "how can I not ever have to feel that way again?" and the most unfortunate part of this is that there are many who are in one of these two groups of people who will easily turn to things outside of themselves that eventually causes them to turn ON themselves. It is like when an octopus is feeling anxiety and starts eating its own self - this is what happens when we are more inclined to do what we have always done in order to escape the pain of our lives. 

Then the "fun" thing that happens after that is that those who are choosing without realizing that they are choosing to habitually drag other people into the fracas that is their life.  It is essential to our growth, to our ability to be able to heal successfully without having to turn to things tangible, things and people outside of ourselves, things that we know WILL hurt us, that we look at who we really are and realize that even though we might essentially be a train wreck at the moment, it does not have to be like this forever. However, there are a lot of people who are choosing the familiar discomfort of things that worked temporarily in the past rather than choosing wisely and deciding to grow out of the old and to wear, from day one, that which is the glorious and the new. Like brand new jeans, so, too, do new ways and new thoughts and the newness that is the growth that hurts us need to also be worn, to also be tried out and looked at and used to our own advantage. 

The hurts that we experience from the growth is different than the ones that were brought to us by what we thought was helping us. We each know that there are things that people do to themselves that cause them to think that the secondary things they do...drink, indulge in ugly substances that we know will screw us up, try things that we have been told work that seem like a good idea but on the whole we KNOW are anything but...end up being 

We know when "the better" is coming, and not only because it will be revealed by the Goddess those things which no longer serve us or our purpose, but also because new people, new ideas, and new energy reveals itself, too. Where once there was the energy that was fraught with being scared and inundated with fear, there is now the energy that is letting go, is the energy that tells you that you can live without certain people and situations in your life. It is not something that will be easy to do, letting go of those whose purpose in our lives or perhaps for whom our presence in theirs was to bring about the energy that was needed, but is something that, when the time comes, we will just do. 

When the energy came for me was sometime last evening while I was talking with someone who is very close to me and they'd mentioned that there was, at that moment in their lives, much as it is with my own, a list of people who were being extricated from said close person's cell phone. As minute as it sounds, in the realm of the Soul and all that is healing from the pains and abuse from the past, it is huge. When I was told by this person that this is what they were doing, it was with an immediacy that I'd told them that I, too, was doing the very same thing. I was doing the same thing because if I do not do the same thing - keep on symbolically removing people who've no business or purpose in my life through whatever means it is that I do so - it will only drag me and my energy down, and I have been down for so long now, much as this close person, as many of my closest friends and confidantes have also been, that the only way to relieve my own self of the pain and the hurt that comes also with the idea that someone, that anyone at all, is going to tell me one thing and do the opposite, is to release them from my life, even if temporarily.

This is not simple to do. We attach ourselves not only to people but also to the outcome that we want to see for them, for ourselves and for the situations at hand as well as the ones in manifest. It is not that the outcome is not something that I cannot wait for but more that the outcome, for some people, might seem impossible to realize, might hurt too much to have to go through the work involved, and the work involved has only to do with the self.  "So, Rev., why would anyone want to get rid of things and people they think are important?" is usually the question that I am asked when people ask me what it is that they should do when trying hard to get through something with someone else, no matter who they are, and the answer that I give is relevant to my own life at this time. In my own life at this time much is happening. There is the ending of one part of my life and the start of an entire new part which, when I think about those two things on their own I am made both happy and afraid. I am happy because very simply, it is about time, and afraid, because no one, not even a well paid and proven psychic can tell us what the exact outcome will be. No one can. We create the outcome we want to see or one that is better than the one we want to see. 

With that said, it may well be understood by anyone reading this that I am no longer open to draining my own energies for those who will not also help with the work that they know they need to do if they are also not as at least as willing as I am to help them get their lives back. Abuse survivors are very uncannily able to tell when we are being lied to, when the truth is being hidden, and there is not one of us who, even if we do not realize it, cannot sense it when someone is not being as open and truthful as we are, as we have been. Just because it is my job to counsel, is my job to intuit the energies that I sense, my job to sometimes and physically place my hands, sometimes my whole self, onto others so that they may have a bit of the good energy that they need in order to get along in their lives with the thing that they are supposed to do and more, to be, it does not mean that mine is an endless energy even though technically, it is. 

It is not the energy that is not endless, but the level of patience that is. It is the worn out thinking in others that I will be there for them, at the ready, because that is how they know me to be. What they have yet to go through is the fact that even highly energetic people like me get tired, on many levels, and lately it is the wish upon my own heart and soul that while I want to see that everyone gets their own lives healed, when it comes to my life and the things that I want to see happen in it, I cannot allow myself to let the energies that I know will deplete my own be the thing that eats me alive. I cannot wait here for people to stop being afraid of the work involved, can't just be the one person who is just always going to be there at someone else's whim even though I am essentially always there for people to seek a way to heal their own lives. I will always be there for that, but will no longer be there for people who just need a quick fix of good energy so that they can deal with theirs that is not so good, and I will not be around for those who will tell me that things with people are one way when in reality that is not the entire story. The entire story may or may not be believed.

The entire story may or may not be believed for the simple fact that if a person is willing to live without integrity, it also means that they are willing to live with the things that they hurt from, and more, willing to continue hurting from them, and willing to medicate themselves in whichever manner it is that they have for a long time just so that they will not have to deal with the pain of the shame of the losses, the pain of the abuse that was once there, which was there by someone else's hands and then when the pain became too much, by their own hands, in manners that no one with a brain in their head would bother with. Everyone on the planet has been hurt, but not everyone who hurts becomes abusive to others or more, to themselves. This is the other reality that comes with abuse - somehow, there has to be healing, and it has to come from within, and always there will be someone who will be able to help those who have ignored the things that I have told them in matters of where the pain is coming from versus where they can send that pain...most listen, but there are those few who do not. 

I could sit here and say that my choices ...the ones that I have to make as of now....hurt me a lot, but that is a lie. The choices that I have to make - the ones that are "should I help this person or should I save it for me?" - are not easy. On the outside of it all it seems that no matter what I have said, no matter what I have done, no matter what it is that has eaten their lives and no matter what it is that these people have tried to heal themselves with, it is to no avail. It is to no avail because while I understood that no one is guaranteed that they will be able to heal their lives on their own, it is a promise that no one who doesn't at least try to heal, will. They will not heal, because the mess that is in front of them called "their lives" is familiar to them, comforts them knowing that they can deal with the mess because the mess is all they know. So they keep creating bigger messes that look like the last mess and keep on expecting different results from the same messiness that is still not better, not smaller, and only gets worse.

It breaks me up inside a bit to know that for a moment, I have to step back and have to do so because should I bother to stay where I am, I will not be able to move forward, and my future is a beautiful thing indeed, filled with laughter and love, with friends and people who I care deeply about and who are considered to me as family, and the antics that these people have heard about thus far, while said antics do not affect me in the manner that is direct, they effect me in that I have cared, and cared, and talked, and emphasized, and propped up, and basically been there, and at the moment, it feels like it was all for nothing, even though that is the furthest thing from the truth.

It was not all for nothing, because without those people who are too afraid to grow out of their own messes I saw my own. That is the blessing in what seems at the moment like it is a loss. It is not a loss. My thought is that I have to let them go and perhaps in my (hopefully temporary) absence they will grow, will get a clue, will be able to take what very little they came to me for and utilize it. My prayer is that in my absence that they will know that I truly do love them, enough so that I would imagine that if the tables were turned that they would not want me to not heal on my own. I would imagine that if I were them, and they were me, that they would have done this a long time ago. I would imagine, too, that they know that I am human, that I fail at things, that I am not the greatest healer on the planet, but that I may indeed be one of the most loving. I hope they learned from me that they were worth my time when they were worth their own time.

While I cannot say that these people with whom I must, at this time, part ways, know who they are, I will say that they all know, and hopefully believe it when I say that really, it is for your own good, my own good, and that I Love You...

...I Love You...I always will...but I love me, too, and I am a priority.


Why aren't you a priority to YOU?

I LOVE YOU ALL
ROX