Welcome to the rest of your Life...
I am not one who throws that word "dying" around much, because the simple truth is that I have fallen dearly and madly in Love with Life - My Life.
When this trek to wholeness began I was an insecure wreck of a woman, and with good reason - I'd been through hell, made it out alive, and knew for sure that it, whatever it was that was the 'it' in my life at the time, no longer could control me or how I feel about myself or my choices. Yes, I still experience bouts with the indulgence of the little girl in me who feels like she needs the world to attend to her, but that is normal. That is not something that all of us do not go through. We all go through feeling like who we are is not good enough or simply not enough for anyone else, even our very selves.
One day, though, I woke up ...literally and figuratively...to the notion that if I wanted to be healed that I would have to exact it on my own and more than that, on my own terms. When a victim becomes a survivor, it is at that point where the trust in things and people that we didn't have becomes the guarded trust in people that we know we are capable of, we also know that our choices have led to the changes which we are so dearly in need of. We are not born into this lifetime to be anyone's victim, and the one who victimizes us the most after the fact is us. I victimized me into the thinking that I had to beg for people to accept me as I am, and the truth is that no, I do not and no, they do not have to. The acceptance of who we are is one thing, but the acceptance that not everyone is going to be crazy about us after we have evolved is quite another thing all together.
My parents would have me stay the wounded little girl - in fact, a lot of people would rather have me stay that wounded little girl, but I rather like the snarky beauty that was born of the pain and I am hard pressed to find anyone these days who will disagree with me. It is not an easy thing allowing the old to die away and no longer be a presence in our lives, but what is harder is the acceptance that the person staring back at us in the mirror is so not the same person we were just a year ago. Hell, some of us are not the same people we were just last week, and yes, the latter of these two inclinations totally applies to me. And frankly I like this newer, more evolved me, because this newer and more evolved me is more inclined to see past a thing to what is really there.
What is really there is a newly formed trust in myself, in who I am becoming and all that I Love and all Who I Love, and those who I Love the Most know that I love them the very most, because no longer am I scared to show them that yes, I Love You...it is not romantic Love but a higher Love, the kind that permeates all that we know and all that we have each transcended and all that is the Great Bigness that Is. When an abuse victim becomes a survivor, we know we have, and we allow it to show, because the truth is that for too long many of us were more inclined to not let people see the realness of who we each are. I was scared to see me for who I really Am, and while I have been told, over and over again, that what and who I am is a LOT, there is still that little girl who will always live in my Soul who is afraid to Love because she is scared to have her heart broken again. When I say that she is afraid to have her heart broken again, it is not only through the idea of romantic Love, but Love that she was not given enough of as a child, which is not the romantic sort at all but is the sort that we all need, which is unconditional.
When we evolve to what and who we are at the time that we are meant to be that new person, new people will come along to complement the ones who were there prior to them, and in those new people we will see and sense the dying off of the old within ourselves, and we will see ourselves in them because we are them and they are us and that is just how this all rolls!
Accept that each and every day there is a dying off of sorts, an evolution of who we are into who we are meant to be, not by someone else's measure, and sometimes not even by our very own, but more and only by that measure in which God and the Universe needs us to be. It is never us who we evolve for only.
Evolution is a Universal Action and it is an Action that we are all both privy and prone to...
Don't forget that!!
I Love You ALL!
ROX
Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co_founder ofNa Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a writer, book author, choreographer, and Spiritual Adviser.To Contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private sessions with her feel free tosend an email.
(c)2012 Roxanne Cottell. All Rights Reserved
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