We can only grow from here, but it will hurt
I did a lot of soul searching this past weekend, because I have avoided doing so for a long time now. I have neglected that which needs my attention, and I find that the thing that needs my attention the most is my very self. By this I mean that collectively we are all hurting but it is because we are holding on to that pain, holding on to the things that make us soul sick and holding on to what was because we are too scared to see what is real in this moment.
What is real in this moment is our fear. People who have hurt for long periods of time remain in that energy because of one thing and one thing only - because it is familiar to us, and I have to repeat myself again when I say that humans are strange in that we all would rather choose what is familiar but uncomfortable and what we recognize as our reality versus reaching out to Spirit and asking Her to please guide into the evolved Selves that we are growing to be and to become. We are so worried about what has happened to us that we are too afraid to climb to the top of the mountains that were once our molehills and where we are now is stuck somewhere in the interim where our past looks okay to have to run back to because right Now is not any less painful and the mountain that we must climb toward the healing we so seek seems such a daunting thing that we would rather go backwards than we would climb further.
Right now there is a collective ache, a thought which permeates the Universal climes that we are all floundering in the sea called "Not forgiving our selves of our sinfulness," and it is the pain that we ache from that is no longer here and in the real that is much more harsh on us than is the idea that we have the option to grow and become all who we are meant to, all that we need to, all that we really know we are. Change is scary. I know change. It is not a nice entity, but it is a needed one, namely when we are trying hard to let go of things and ways of being and when we are trying to grow into who we are no longer. Who we are no longer is this pained being who needs salvation from something outside of ourselves.
And speaking of "outside of ourselves," there is the question of those who are refusing to evolve, who want us to know that they hurt and they believe that it is because of us that they hurt. It is no one's business or responsibility to carry the pain of someone else's hurt, not now, most certainly not forever. Just because that is how it went in the past, it does not make it so in the now. That's right- I said it, now deal with the fact that other people are not meant to carry our hurt, are not meant to continue to carry the things that not even we want to carry, even as what is ours we should willingly carry. I have been there, and I have done that, and that is not the thing that will help heal anyone. The moment that a person can deal with their pain, own it, change it and then release it is the moment that we find Paradise we all seek.
It is these people, the very ones who tell us that we are forgiven who also are not willing to relieve themselves of the pain that they themselves are choosing to hang onto. There are some people who cannot and will not accept their own pain, that is their own cause, and if anyone reading this believes these words to be horribly cruel, I am inclined to remind anyone who is playing "poor me" at this moment that you will continue to play that same game and sing that very same song the longer that you choose not to grow. Growing is not easy, and the growing pains are real, are there and are meant to show us, tangibly, what it is that we are no longer in need of. Yet, you stay there, in your crucified state of being, sacrificing who you really are, all so that other people will pay attention to your sad story.
I know that deep emptiness, that feeling that no one will love you if it is not the way that you yourself cannot Love You. This is the Truth. We each and all have to Love our Selves. If We each and all are not Loving our very selves, what chance have we at being able to truly Love another without still being the way that we are to these very people now? We must place ourselves in the place we want them to stay, a place that is being controlled by another person (you) through manipulation and guilt. Whether you believe it or not, there will come a day when that person, or those people, will get to the point where they will try to save your silly ass one more time, or instead and for the very first time in their lives, they will choose to save themselves. Finally, and because they realized that all along, people depended on them to just be there and took for granted that living within that mask that is the Ego's physical presentation is a human being, who, just like anyone else, eventually runs out of anything for anyone.
Even Our Very Selves.
And when you get to that point where you are physically affected by what you chose to give to someone else in terms of energy, then really, you truly are the very one who, now you know, because I speak from experience, are who is at fault for every single tiny little pain you feel now, both physically or otherwise. This is the truth. This is the truth that we all come to meet with, and then after we have taken the time to ignore what is our own truth, only pointing out the sins of the other, we realize one day that we were the other half of that ugliness, and that there really is nothing more that can be done than to begin the climb. It is not someone else who has us locked in the past and the pain, only ourselves.
Following the Path to Enlightenment was never promised to be easy, but many of us know the truth that is being who we are, and part of being who we are means taking at least the same amount of care that we do with our material things. We fail to take care of our very selves, and we are precious, each of us, because we are here and purposed with things that we do not understand but are compelled to allow ourselves to be drawn to them. And we know that there is a bit of changing of our minds and our habits, and we relearn the value that is Love, but of the Soul, not of the body. We find others who are like us and in pain on their Path, and they come along for the stroll through life, being themselves, allowing us to be our full selves as well, and living as we are meant to - to Be, in Love.
Far too many of us still want someone else to Love us as much as we should each Love ourselves. Not one of us can say that we have never done things that we did not want to do because we all make decisions everyday. There is not one person reading this who can say that at least one time in their lives they have not hurt so badly that the thing that made them hurt is the very thing that they are hanging on to that is also making them hurt. One day, we all learn to accept things as they are. One day, all of us realize that while it is one truth that we can affect the future and create it the way we want it to be, just like we also can never change what is the past. Things happen. People grow. People meet other people and make friends with those new people and they become tightly bonded to each other because these people have made their lives make sense to them. People share lives, period. It is not meant to be judged with a smallness of mind.
It is not meant to be judged at all.
This is a part of the climb, the part of evolving that continues to creep up on us and jump out at us because we let it. We cannot control other people or what they will or will not Be, cannot affect who they are with our emotions. This is something that we all go through, and hopefully something we all learn.
Life is Beautiful. Life takes courage and a willingness to become all we are each meant to be, which is a whole hell of a lot. Life takes a gentle forcefulness of Love that is unconditional, that places us all into a space where we each learn that it is a lot of hard work to climb, to get ourselves out of the mindset that is a victimized Soul.
Life requires Love.
Love requires us.
We require, each, to Love Our Selves.
When we can Love Our Selves, we will Know what Love requires so that it may be shared unconditionally...
I Love You All !
ROX
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